whatever happened to that sporadic blogger, anyway?

i figured since I'm starting to get e-mails, phone calls and other frantic inquiries from people that i know in real life, i better at least post something up here, so my hundreds of faithful readers MIL won't wonder if I'm sick or dead.

ever since M and N went to college and G started school again, I've lost a bunch of people to boss around help out, it seems as if I'm too busy to post about my exciting life.

but- i haven't forgotten about all of you, my dear and faithful readers, and i have a few posts up my sleeve that I'd like to share with you.

soon.

but until then- here's a sneak preview of coming attractions:

* the final Livestock and Garden Report for 2009

* chores and the getting of them done (happily)

* my first ever giveaway!

* a quilting tutorial

* another quilting tutorial

* more pictures from our trip to SC

* general profound ramblings about evangelical Anabaptists

* another giveaway that i'll be participating in at weareTHATfamily

* a new feature of my blog: QUILT gallery

so- since nap time is officially over, and can not be stretched out any longer (and believe me, I've tried!) i need to get off the computer.

but I'll try to be back soon.

promise!

forget the Super Bowl- it's time for Ask Alice!

Here's a compilation of several Q & A's from the last couple columns of Ask Alice. i think she's really outdone herself this time!

DEAR ALICE: why is it that most rock singers tend to be extremely thin, while opera singers, on the other hand, tend to be quite robust? -WONDERING IN WYSOX

DEAR WOND: researchers recently discovered the answer to your question. it's because fat cells are destroyed by stupid lyrics. -ALICE

DEAR ALICE: I'm thinking about taking up walking to get some exercise, but my husband says there's a specific way to walk that will burn more calories and lead to aerobic fitness. can you tell me where to find out more about this? -WALKER IN WYSOX

DEAR WALK: walking like a dork and flailing your arms about has become very popular. it helps if you have an enormous butt bouncing around like the Goodyear blimp. you'll know you're doing it right when passing cars run off the road because the driver is laughing so hard. -ALICE

i think that Alice might be onto something here! i can't help but wonder if one were to listen to songs featuring "stupid lyrics", all the while "walking like a dork", if that would double the amount of calories burned...

DEAR ALICE: my husband and i have finally gotten serious about dropping some pounds, and are looking for an exercise machine to purchase for our home. got any suggestions on what sort of machine we should purchase? -HEAVY IN HERRICK

DEAR HEA: I'd recommend buying a machine that is easy to move. this is so when you get not so serious you can shove the machine into a corner and use it to hang clothes and other stuff on. -ALICE

and then if the previous suggestions don't work, you could always go this route instead!

forget jennifer- just Ask Alice!

you're in for a real treat today. i'm posting an excerpt of some of the Q & A's from our local advice column, Just Ask Alice. she's a hoot- as I'm sure you'll agree!

DEAR ALICE: our son wants to buy a used car that was formerly owned by another teenager. my husband says it's a bad idea because teenagers usually are real hard on their cars. what do you think, Alice? it looks real nice. should we let him buy the car?

MOTOR HEAD'S MOM, MONROETON

DEAR MOTO: find out if the kid who used to own the car had a steady girlfriend. if he did, the car probably spent more time parked than it did on the road. ALICE

DEAR ALICE: my husband recently visited your area to enjoy some deer hunting, and he came back to our home in suburban Philadelphia with the most unusual deer I've ever seen. it's huge, Alice, and it's also the only black and white deer I've ever seen. since you've lived in the endless mountains all your life, i expect you can tell me the name of this variety of deer. I'd also appreciate your sharing any recipes you might have on hand for cooking this kind of game.

CITY HUNTER'S WIFE, VALLEY FORGE

DEAR CITY: the critter your husband brought home is called a Holstein deer. they're really quite common here in the endless mountains. as far as recipes go, my suggestion would be for you to contact the people who really know about cooking game- the Game Commission. give them a call, and ask how to cook the Holstein deer your husband shot. odds are they'll make you a top priority. ALICE

DEAR ALICE: i found out quite by accident this week that my husband bought me a new chain saw for Christmas. last year he surprised me with a new air compressor. Alice, he obviously buys gifts for me that he wants. any suggestions?

LEFT OUT, LACEYVILLE

DEAR LEFT: my motto is to return kindness with kindness. so surprise your husband with a nice new nightgown, a fur coat, or maybe a new sofa for him to sleep on. ALICE

oh brother! there's more, but i don't think i can take it anymore! if you have a question of your own that you would like answered with Alice's particular blend of wisdom and sarcasm, she can be reached at rocket@epix.net I'm sure she'll set you straight.