forget jennifer- just Ask Alice!

you're in for a real treat today. i'm posting an excerpt of some of the Q & A's from our local advice column, Just Ask Alice. she's a hoot- as I'm sure you'll agree!

DEAR ALICE: our son wants to buy a used car that was formerly owned by another teenager. my husband says it's a bad idea because teenagers usually are real hard on their cars. what do you think, Alice? it looks real nice. should we let him buy the car?

MOTOR HEAD'S MOM, MONROETON

DEAR MOTO: find out if the kid who used to own the car had a steady girlfriend. if he did, the car probably spent more time parked than it did on the road. ALICE

DEAR ALICE: my husband recently visited your area to enjoy some deer hunting, and he came back to our home in suburban Philadelphia with the most unusual deer I've ever seen. it's huge, Alice, and it's also the only black and white deer I've ever seen. since you've lived in the endless mountains all your life, i expect you can tell me the name of this variety of deer. I'd also appreciate your sharing any recipes you might have on hand for cooking this kind of game.

CITY HUNTER'S WIFE, VALLEY FORGE

DEAR CITY: the critter your husband brought home is called a Holstein deer. they're really quite common here in the endless mountains. as far as recipes go, my suggestion would be for you to contact the people who really know about cooking game- the Game Commission. give them a call, and ask how to cook the Holstein deer your husband shot. odds are they'll make you a top priority. ALICE

DEAR ALICE: i found out quite by accident this week that my husband bought me a new chain saw for Christmas. last year he surprised me with a new air compressor. Alice, he obviously buys gifts for me that he wants. any suggestions?

LEFT OUT, LACEYVILLE

DEAR LEFT: my motto is to return kindness with kindness. so surprise your husband with a nice new nightgown, a fur coat, or maybe a new sofa for him to sleep on. ALICE

oh brother! there's more, but i don't think i can take it anymore! if you have a question of your own that you would like answered with Alice's particular blend of wisdom and sarcasm, she can be reached at rocket@epix.net I'm sure she'll set you straight.